Fellow
doulas and friends often ask me how I find time to have a daily
Personal Practice. I sometimes wonder that myself! But the cost of
not having one is far greater than finding the time to sit with
myself each day.
What
is a personal practice?
It
can be anything that allows you to focus your energy inward and
observe the musings of your mind in an unattached way. Sitting
quietly and: breathing, listening to mantras, reciting mantras, and
listening to music that inspires you. It can be done while doing
yoga, stretching, running.
What
will happen during this time?
The
reality of starting a daily practice is that in the beginning it will
feel like your brain is firing off fireworks, spinning, jumping from
one thought to the next like a slippery fish you are trying to catch
and wrangle into your net. This is very common and a wonderful place
to observe your patterns and inclinations to control, or give up, or
surrender.
When
I was growing up by the sea in Costa Rica, we were always warned
about the power of the ocean. We were left to our own devices most of
the time, and as a consequence we were very strong swimmers. However,
the tides and currents of the Sea have their own intentions and
plans. It was common to be caught in a current that would drag us
away further and further from the safety of our friends, and the
shore. If
this happens,
the adults would tell us, allow
yourself to be taken, do not fight, and eventually the current will
bring you back.
This
is, of course, easier said than done. The first instinct is to panic,
to struggle, to cling to the familiar, to fight to stay in the safety
of what you know. But we were all dragged out to sea at one moment or
another, and as promised, the currents would bring us back.
It
is the same thing with taking some time to have a Personal Practice.
At
first, your mind will feel that it is drowning. Let
me make that shopping list while I’m sitting here
instead of observe and listen. What
may pop up? I don’t want to hang out here with potential feelings
of discomfort, or pain, or God forbid grief. I don’t really want to
sit here and “be grateful” for things, geez, I AM grateful! Ok,
is it done? Has 10 minutes passed? I need to MOVE. How much longer? I
have things to DO.
And
the inner dialogue continues. But eventually, like with the currents
of the sea, you realize that you will be in this place for a while,
and that perhaps observation is a good way to pass the time. Stay
afloat, and feel the sunshine, listen to the birds, to the silence of
being in the ocean. Sit quietly, focus on your breathing, and allow
your thoughts to be a movie that plays in your mind’s cinema. Find
a place of stillness.
Eventually
10 minutes extends to 20 and pretty soon you are sitting for half an
hour, in stillness and silence.
Why
is this important and relevant in my life as a doula, or as anything
else, really, to find the time to sit with myself?
The
short answer is, because
we never do.
Because we live our lives from moment to moment, and in between those
moments we are looking at our phones, or answering emails, or rushing
to get to the next moment. This is simply the reality of life in
2015. I know that no matter which of my “hats” I have on at any
given moment, I am often moving quickly and efficiently to achieve
any number of goals I may have for that day. Some of it is the nature
of my life, and some of it is ME. I thrive on the work I do, and I am
passionate about being a Mom to my kids, a friend to my friends, a
wife to my husband, a doula to my clients.
As a doula, when I get “the call” or when I am visiting clients prenatally or postpartum, or teaching, I have to have a way to arrive efficiently and often quickly at my deepest inner core where I find that “still point”. Because it is here where I find my best self, and where all my stash of resources and strength are stored. By finding even 10 minutes of time in a day to go there, to that place, I replenish my resources and make sure that I am always fully stocked. Because I don’t know if I am walking into a 30 hour birth, or into a traumatic postpartum situation that will require much of my stored resources. When I arrive and begin doing the job I love, I bring resources for everyone, extra, to share and go around. The way I see it, that is my job. Holding space no matter how the tides may pull.
Having
a Personal Practice grants me the opportunity to check in with myself
and asses how I am doing that day: am I tired, stressed, is there
something on my mind, am I distracted, or do I feel amazing, happy,
excited? These are observations, without judgment. Learning to
observe the patterns of “you” is a great gift you will give
yourself. Observing without judgment and with great compassion for
your tender self is also a beautiful gift you will give to yourself.
Replenishing and stocking the “warehouse of your soul” and
cleaning house once in a while is a gift as well, to yourself and to
those whose lives you touch.
Start
today. Take 5 minutes. Set an alarm if you that helps you. And go
inside, like a peeping Tom, to take a little look. You’ll be
hooked.
Millie
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| Millie Tresierra is a Birth and Postpartum Doula with MotherWit Doula Care |
